Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i out mim tonsoeep
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