i barfeds in our rink
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
