They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
