Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
