You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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