The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
