Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
