that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
