id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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