So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
