I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We got so high we made milksteak
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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