haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
