Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
