youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
