I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
