I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Randomize
