How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
