Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
