Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
