Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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