you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
