she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize