I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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