I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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