Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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