PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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