Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
