she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize