Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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