I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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