her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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