I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
