I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think my fart just growled at me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
