so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
