Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
