areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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