mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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