You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
