God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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