70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
