I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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