You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
