every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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