I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
