I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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