I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
