so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
