How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
