I hate all girls vehemently.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
love makes seman taste better
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
