Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
