you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize