He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
where are my eyebrows?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
