Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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