I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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