Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
