Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
