Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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