"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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