Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
