Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
