Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
