I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
