3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
