I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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