Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
