If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
