this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize