I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
