guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
