i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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